


Seize the Day

by krisrussel



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 17:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krisrussel/pseuds/krisrussel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After another mishap with an alternate universe, John and Elizabeth need to talk. <br/>Written from John's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seize the Day

I look at her standing on the balcony from behind the closed doors leading from the control room.  
She’s gripping the railing tightly and looking tense overall with a glow of worry surrounding her.  
I’m not sure how to handle this… handle her… not in this situation… Not when I know I’m a major part of the problem.  
“What are you standing here for? Go talk to her!”  
I glare at the man who came standing next to me.  
“Stay out of it, McKay.”  
Deep down I know he’s right, but I’m really not in the mood for his usual whining. Especially not now.  
McKay returns my glare instantly.  
“It is my problem when the leader of this expedition and the leader of the military have a falling out.”  
“We don’t…” I try, but he keeps on going.  
“It’s also my problem when the IOA is going to investigate this whole situation and this expedition risks losing one of its leaders.”  
“It won’t…”  
“And it’s certainly my problem when it involves two of my friends.”  
Now he has my full attention. It’s rare that Rodney calls someone a friend. Very rare. So when he does, you know he really is concerned.  
“We’ll figure it out.” I try to assure him, but his look is sarcastic.  
“We will.” I say again, barely believing it myself.  
“Then go talk to her.” He repeats.  
Letting out a sigh, I look outside again. Her back is turned to me, but going by the tense way her body is leaning against the railing, I can easily picture her face: the worry in her eyes, brows knitted together in a frown, lips set straight.  
“Yeah…” I whisper and will the doors to open for me. They comply with a silent swoosh and I finally step outside. I can feel Woolsey’s eyes from the control room burning holes in my back. But I ignore him. His timing for his half-yearly review is impeccable… as usual…  
The cool sea wind hits my face and I breathe in the slight salty air.  
Forgetting about Woolsey and the problems he could cause, I focus on the other person on the balcony.  
Elizabeth Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition for the past three years, extraordinary negotiator, fluent in both Ancient and Wraith and one of the only people who can shut up McKay as well as me with one well aimed look.  
The events of the past week left us both shook up, left us both awkward around each other.  
We saw what could be between us and we’re still trying to deny it.  
I don’t say a word when I stand next to her and take in a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment and simply trying to focus on the sounds of the wind and the sea.  
We stand like this for a while, silent and deep in thought.  
“They looked so happy.” She suddenly says out of the blue. “Even when they died. They were simply happy to be able to die together.”  
I nod. There’s no reason to deny the truth.  
“McKay and Zelenka are still beating themselves up for the fact that they couldn’t send them back.” I point out. “I told them not to blame themselves… and neither should you.”  
“It’s not that easy, John. I watched myself die… again… and watched you die.”  
“I watched myself die too… and you…” I let out a sigh. The death of our counterparts still stings… badly… especially watching Elizabeth die. “But it’s not our fault. McKay and Zelenka tried everything they could. But sending them would back would have torn a hole in the fabric of time and space in this reality.”  
“I know that!” She lashes out and I realize this is still about much more than just watching ourselves die. It’s also about what our counterparts told us… about their marriage… about the child they left behind in their reality… about the love you could read in their eyes when they looked at each other… about the fact that it opened our eyes to what could have been… about what could be.  
I lick my lips and slightly turn to her. I want to tell her I’m willing to give it a try and that I’ve loved her for a long time now, but words fail me and I turn back to the ocean.  
Damn, why am I so bad with situations like these?  
I wreck my brain, trying to think of something to say while she stays silent, staring at nothing and probably thinking of everything.  
“They were happy.” I finally say so silently she has to lean closer to understand me and I swallow before continuing. “And I think we deserve that happiness too.”  
Now she fully turns to me.  
“John…” Her voice sounds small, almost afraid yet there’s a trace of hope in it too.  
I don’t dare to look at her, afraid I’ll shut down again.  
“I really think we deserve that happiness.” I continue but fall silent again. I want to tell her that we should ignore Woolsey's presence and the interference of the IOA and SGC and that we shouldn't care about what others think. With all the shit we see and live through, we deserve that happiness and I know we can do it. I know we can be as happy together as they were. But why can't I tell her that?  
Her hand on my shoulder almost startles me. But her touch is warm, even through my shirt and I focus on that warmth, I focus on the grounding feeling this simple gestures provides.  
Slowly turning to her, I'm almost afraid of what I’ll see in her eyes and I brace myself for her rejection.  
My breathing catches though when instead of rejection, I read something completely different: hope, pure desperate hope.  
Her other hand settles gently on my cheek and I swallow because the hope in her eyes slowly transforms into something more, something resembling love and I can barely believe my eyes.  
Her hands turn me so I’m fully facing her.  
“Lizb…” I start but she puts her finger on my lips and silences me instantly.  
“Woolsey will go after us, as will the rest of the IOA and the people at the SGC. Not everyone in the expedition will approve and everything we do will end up in the rumor mill instantly. Are you still sure you want to do this?”  
I nod without hesitation and tenderly kiss the finger that’s still resting on my lips.  
Her eyes darken and we stare at each other, letting our eyes talk for us, like they have done so many times before, like they will for as long as we both live. Our eyes were always easier at talking about our feelings than we were.  
Very slowly her hand travels back to my cheek and I rest my hands on her hips.  
Our bodies are only a hair’s breadth apart now and I have never wanted to kiss anybody as desperately as I want to kiss her right now.  
My eyes travel to her lips that are slightly parted and just a little bit moist.  
I lick my own lips and a tiny smile appears on hers.  
“Woolsey is probably watching us.” She whispers.  
“So is McKay.” I reply a beat later and close the distance between us, forgetting all about a cheering McKay and a glaring Woolsey and concentrate on the feeling of her lips on mine, of her teeth grazing my tongue, of her tongue playing with mine, of her body pushed into mine, of her pert breasts against my chest, of her hands traveling to the back of my neck and pulling me closer, of my hands traveling to her back and pulling her closer.  
We’re almost as one and for a while it seems as if time and everything around us stops.  
For a while it’s only the two of us and I know that whatever we’ll have to face, we’ll face it…  
Together…  
Forever.

The End


End file.
